BOUNDARIES

When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

Boundaries are important for emotional and spiritual protection. They’re not as clear-cut as physical boundaries, but they can be just as necessary. It’s difficult to establish your own boundaries or discern someone else’s because it isn’t always obvious when you should enforce them. However, enforcing your boundaries shouldn’t make you feel mean—it should actually help you feel better about yourself in the long run.

Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others -- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator -- Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask:

- Can I set limits and still be a loving person?

- What are legitimate boundaries?

- What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?

- How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?

- Aren't boundaries selfish?

- Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.