Cracked Asstrology

Unsure about the future? Need love advice? Career guidance? Wondering which organ to sell to make next month's rent? The Cracked Asstrology App has all the answers.

Rated the #1 Most Scientifically Accurate Horoscope App by Cracked.com and its subsidiaries, Asstrology has put together a team of astrologers who have internet access. Meet Professor Gort, who has the astrological acumen of a super-computer; Erin, a genuine clairvoyant (even though she's still not very good at it); Sean, our resident sell-out; Liz, who'd rather be doing anything else than this job; Keith (we'll tell you about him later...); and Jeffrey, aka The Zodiac Time-Killer!