Eye Contact Secrets

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Have you ever said “I want to be able to look him in the eyes and tell him . . .”? Implicit in this phrase is the idea that we cannot tell a lie when we are looking someone in the eyes; whatever our mouths say, we believe that our eyes will tell the truth.

What is it about the eyes and the gaze that holds such power for us? Why do they reveal such depth about our inner world? And what is it about direct eye contact that we find so meaningful—and so potentially terrifying?

In this book, we are going to go on a journey into a rich, captivating, and sometimes mysterious topic. We will talk with a diverse, merry, and cantankerous crew of people who have thought a lot about this subject, including scientists, poets, spiritual teachers, sales professionals, a legendary sports coach, fighting champions, professional public speakers, psychologists, dating experts, a pickup artist, and even a Playboy centerfold included for good measure. They will all help us unlock the mystery of our eyes and of eye contact.

But make no mistake: the aim of this book is neither theoretical nor poetic. The ultimate aim of this book is to help us lead better lives—to get more of what we want from life—by mastering the power of eye contact. If you can imagine an area of life that is important to you and that involves relating to other humans face to face, then eye contact is a crucial part of it.

Yet it is possible to botch eye contact. It can be done very, very poorly. Or not at all. It can be done in a way that repels rather than attracts. Eye contact can go wrong in many ways. There is a good chance you are making some of these mistakes right now, without knowing it. In fact, some of your social interactions may not be going as well as you’d hoped because of it.

I know this, because I used to be awful at eye contact. Not just awful, but scared and terrified of it.

That was before I learned the secrets presented in this book. The good news is that it’s not that hard to become really good at eye contact. People now tell me all the time that they feel safe, comfortable, appreciated, respected, understood—and even sometimes energized—when met by my gaze.

I wasn’t born this way. (Actually, maybe I was—all babies are natural eye contact pros, as we’ll soon see. But we lose this facility quickly as self-consciousness develops.) I learned how to have this quality of eye contact.

I learned all of this over years. But I’ve put all of what I’ve learned over these years of experience, observation, and research into this book. Now you can learn in a matter of weeks what took me years to master. I know because I’ve seen friends, family members, and readers transformed by the lessons and examples contained herein.

While there is a lively trade in books on body language—and many of them, including some cited here, are excellent—there has never been a book that dives in depth and exclusively into the social and business aspects of this most important, intriguing, spiritually rich, and scientifically studied aspect of body language: eye contact. Never, until now.

You hold in your hands a book with the power to change your life dramatically within a short period of time.

This book is your concise guide to harnessing the potent force of eye contact for success in your work and personal relationships. It teaches you how to stop being “eye shy” and start being “eye bold.” It teaches you how to build and maintain powerful eye contact in all your relationships and interactions.

Master this art with the help of this book, and you will instantly begin to notice three things:

You will start meeting more people right away.

Your connections with the people you already know will deepen.

You will feel, look, and act more confident.

It is no exaggeration to say that mastering the art of effective eye contact could be one of the most impactful things you ever do in a short amount of time.