Lawyer Jokes

Over 600 Lawyer jokes

600+ Lawyer jokes, if you are or know a lawyer then shame on you! only joking, but probably best not to download these joke if you are.

*Think you’re funnier; then submit your own jokes for inclusion in the app and get the credit too.

*New jokes added weekly

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Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

What is a contingent fee?

A contingent fee means, if the lawyer doesn't win your suit, he gets nothing.

If the lawyer does win it, you get nothing.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.

What's wrong with Lawyer jokes?

Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is admitted. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and, as is the wont for engineers, starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks, "So how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and working escalators, and there's no telling what an engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them, but you never see them.

*****Disclaimer*****

Appsolutely Fabulous, takes no responsibility, for the content of this app. None of the jokes were written by anyone at Appsolutely Fabulous, they were all either sourced form the internet or sent in by the users of this app. We accept no blame for any offense caused, care has been taken to remove offensive jokes, however it you are offended by any of the jokes please report them to us via the app and we will consider the joke for removal.